Over the past few months, my friend has been on the lookout for a new apartment. It’s been practically impossible for her to find a place that both meets her desires and accepts her freelance employment as a valid form of income.
Last week she happened upon a little cottage (in the same neighborhood as me!) that seemed to be a jackpot. The unit had a ton of applicants but she applied with a charming cover letter and wished for the best. Yesterday she found out she got the place—after she had decided to stick it out in a furnished sublet for the next few months whilst weighing her options. Now she must decide in the next 36 hours and the rental agency won’t allow her see the property one last time before committing. We are on the edge of our seats over here.
I tell you all of this because:
A) The housing market is crazy and we need a better system.
B) I’ve felt so invested in this process because I understand so much of what she’s feeling.
As you may know, my boyfriend and I just moved into a new place after living together in a tiny apartment for all of Coviditine. Today actually marks the very last day we have things in the old place (my boyfriend lived there for 6 years and accumulated quite a bit of stuff) so I am still steeped in packing supplies both mentally and physically.
Having never run a marathon, this is exactly what I would guess it feels like. Unglamorous, tiresome, surreal and LONG with bouts of exhilaration every few miles.
Stamina and patience have become my two best friends. I have stamina, always have and hopefully always will.
Patience is another story. I’m someone who likes to move fast, I get ideas and want to strike while the iron is hot.
To me, an idea is a firework and I want to run around trying to catch all the debris so I can rapidly transform them into an installation piece that all the sudden is shown at the LOUVRE and there’s a HUGE opening night gala and I get to wear The Gold Silk Dress. That night I eat ALL the finger food and pose perfectly for photos with a tiny champagne glass. Somehow it is written in the history books but it doesn’t even matter because we’re all mortal and I’m not trying to be remembered.
THAT’S the vibe I want from life in general.
Alas, life has its own plans and patience seems to be at the top of the list every time. Physical matter doesn’t move in the same way energy or ideas do. It’s just impossible. This doesn’t mean that we are doing something wrong when our physical reality takes time to catch up to the emotional/energetic realm. It’s a part of the process.
Lacking patience and trying to force things actually creates resistance to the very thing we want.
Picture if you will: magnets. They want to pull together when their north and south poles are aligned but actively repel each other when a north pole is faced with another northerner. We can push the star-crossed magnets together as much as we want, but that invisible resistance will always win, rendering the magnets useless.
In the day to day, it seems like patience is the only way. Otherwise we will face off with resistance and find ourselves farther and farther from where we wish to be.
By choosing patience, we lean into trust.
Trusting that we will be drawn to what is best for us.
Trusting that we will draw in exactly what we need, when we need it.
This is not an easy thing that you just decide to do!
It’s an everyday practice of staying as in the now as much as possible.
If the mind is constantly living in the future we can never live with patience. Instead we will be riddled with expectations and anxieties, all of which repel What’s Meant To Be.
For me, patience is looking at what I can do today.
It’s asking how I can do those things with the most ease and enjoyment.
It means becoming comfortable with the unknown. Choosing to look at what’s in front of me and practice everyday ceremonies.
One ceremony I will never walk away from is morning meditation. If I skip a few days I actually feel my mind tensing up, until it’s too tight to hold anything of value. My thoughts become scattered and I feel distant from myself, like I’m drifting in an orbit with an unknown trajectory. Only when I set everything aside and allow myself a quiet moment in the morning, things open up. My mind relaxes its grip.
Does that mean the impulse to run around catching fireworks goes away? Not really, but I can feel that and also know it will take time to get to the point where I’m posing with the champagne glass. For me, it’s finding a balance between inspiration and progress, so I don’t fall into the pit of frustration that lies below.
Patience has a supportive softness, like the cool wet sand found only at the water’s edge. The waves pass over it, over and over again. The sand remains, ready to hold your footprints and take another wave. Patience doesn’t need to go anywhere, but it sure isn’t stagnant.
Even the shape of a coastline changes over time.
That’s all for today. If you find yourself struck by a moment of total now, document it as a ritual of presence. Take a photo or write a short description, then send it to momentsfornow@gmail.com - all submissions will be shared anonymously.
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xx,
James