today’s dispatch will be shorter than the rest, as I’m in recovery from my second vaccine shot.
for some, the shot is incredibly mild. my boyfriend had a headache with a side of brain fog, I entered what I can only describe as Full Flu Mode. I’ve spent the last 36 hours in bed. our bed is now in our new apartment, which doesn’t have internet (or most of our things). when I feel sick I do what most people do, turn on Fraiser and watch as many episodes as I can before I fall asleep. this time I didn’t have that crutch and my phone’s poor service has made it tricky to do something as simple as listen to a podcast or scroll blithely through photos of other people’s lives.
all this is to say, I’ve had a lot of time to think and to try not to think.
I’ve thought about how nice it feels when the cool air from the window lands upon your arms and neck. this sensation is so subtle I never experienced it fully until yesterday, when all distractions were removed. this reminded me of all the gentle things that pass us by because we are involved in something else. I’ve tried not to think about how much packing and unpacking needs to be done or that the couch didn’t fit in our place and I now need to sell it. thinking about those things doesn’t get me anywhere productive in this moment. and I thought how many things I think about that are a waste of time and energy. I thought about the body and how much we rely on it without much consideration. and how crazy it is that we can throw a vaccine at our immune system and it takes it like a champ. I want to be there for my body in the same way it is for me.
when my chills first hit on Monday night, I was totally struck by how real this feeling of being sick was. this vaccine is just giving the body a taste, so that it knows how to defeat the virus should it come into contact in the real world. but this test run, lets-play-you’re-sick was pretty convincing. but unlike the real deal, it’s only supposed to last a day or so.
it’s a peculiar feeling, knowing something will end, but feeling so so involved in it. I thought about how everything will end, in one way or another. I remembered my old favorite phrase: this too shall pass. it’s bittersweet because we all want some things to last forever. but right now, it’s a helpful reminder. soon these symptoms will dissipate. I am already so thankful that they’re the result of the vaccine and not the virus. soon I’ll have internet and be able to tune out, but maybe I won’t do that as much. soon we’ll be all moved in and that will just be nice because everything will be in one place. but this gulf of time gives me pause to appreciate what it means to call a place home.
this too shall pass. I’m going to continue to hold this close to me, as it offers perspective on whatever I’m experiencing. the only thing that is not a passing phenomena is the being that is so vast within. this constant is unspoken and felt in the moments when we commune with nature or ourselves. when we sit in the presence of our being, it feels like coming home. because it’s the one place that will always be there for us, whether we look there or not.
may we let one thing pass this week that no longer serves us.
I’m excited to do so.
thank you for being here on my semi-cognizant train. I’ll see you on Friday with a Meditation Prompt for paying subscribers and Moments for Now Dispatch on Sunday.
if you’d like to submit a photo or short written piece of your moment, email: momentsfornow@gmail.com -- everything is shared anonymously.
xx,
James