I’ve been in Chicago for the past couple days, seeing family and experiencing a general sense of winter.
The swing of the covid pendulum gave me pause to reconsider my travel—all the family plans we had cancelled—but after weighing the risks I boarded the extra large dreamliner plane and flew across the night sky into the city of light.
`I dreamt that I flew home just before a stunning snowfall, but right now my boyfriend’s mom’s place is currently wrapped in a cloud of flurried white. So it seems my dream was not reflective of anything other than a fear of missing out.
If anything, the past few years of covid lifestyle has unlatched me from sneaking worries of being left out. That sensation used to hold me in its grips much more than I care to admit. In many ways I’ve stepped back from society, driven at first by the initial quarantine and my perpetual all-or-nothing attitude. The expansion that came from that time was unexpected and giving myself space seems critical to this period of reconfiguration. Now I’m rediscovering how to contribute and connect to the outside world, especially when some of my anchors have been scattered like milkweed on the wind.
There are some years where I have looked back and felt only a void is staring back at me. Days and months eaten by grief, leaving merciful gaps in my memory. To my surprise, for the most part this year feels pretty whole.
I gave everything I could to it and seeing tangible expansion is exciting.
Embarking on an independent path has been exponentially more challenging than I imagined. If I wasn’t blindly hopeful in many ways, I don’t think I would ever have taken the leap. At this point, I’m in the Don’t Look Down Phase, but every once in a while I let my gaze travel and all at once “reality” hits.
But more and more we are all learning how we live in our own realm, constructed by the thoughts and beliefs we enforce.
Some lessons from my reality to carry into the new year:
For too long, I compromised in ways that made me smaller. That is not to say coexisting often asks for concessions, but there is an intrinsic set of personal boundaries to find through trial and error.
In the face of it all, I refuse to buy into anything that isn’t the biggest version of life.
Now is good, now is good, now is good. The mind will want to reinforce old narratives and I must remember the present as much as I can.
Experiences don’t have to be complicated to be enjoyable.
More and more, I find that the easiest pleasures are the ones I can sink into the most.I can drink coffee again, but in moderation.
Keep it sacred until it is ready to be shared.
Projects need to happen on a rolling basis, it’s important to have another cooking before the first one ends so you’re not left with an over drafted bank account at your cousin’s wedding.
Changes, even the ones you choose to make, can put you into survival mode for a period of time.
Adaptation requires the entire brain to spring into action. Creating new neural pathways, adjusting to different environments and managing the emotions that come from experiencing unfamiliar things. Finding time to rest is essential during these moments.
It helps to remember that even the most successful people want more. Living in a perpetual state of desire can happen to anyone, don’t fall into the trap.
Dogs really bring family together.
Walks without music or podcasts should happen once a day.
Satisfaction never comes from external sources. Validation is fleeting.
You choose what matters to you.
Feel free to take any of these lessons from me, instead of having to learn them the hard way! Although the hard way can be fun too.
Thank you for making this year so memorable by taking part in this newsletter. Thank you to everyone who contributed to moments for now, to those who sent the newsletter to friends and family, or posted a piece they loved.
I’m excited for what’s to come in the new year and to share it all with you.
Also—I’m taking a couple weeks off from the free feed to regroup and think about the year ahead, but paying subscribers will continue to get Friday dispatches.
See you in mid January. Happy New Year :-)
xx
James