Relearning Ease

the most important lesson

I’m not going to sugar coat it, this week has been layered with chaos. 

The first blip happened on Thursday evening, when I spilled a big glass of water on my computer. I truly am so obsessive about liquids near technology, but it happens to the best of us. I let the computer dry out and did my best positive thinking but alas, the computer has gone on to greener pastures. 

Other blips occurred, (past due on electricity bill I thought was on auto pay, etc, etc). I could feel my head filling with pressure but I kept going. Then yesterday morning my catalytic converter was stolen from my Prius—for the third time. I’m now insured for this sort of theft, but the first two times I had to pay out of pocket. Either way, it’s a total time suck, leaving me without a car until I can fix it. 

Stress compounds. When you experience a little bit, a little more feels like a lot...and so on and so forth. As a result, this week I have felt far from myself. Once I put this emotion into words I began to unpack the root of this statement.

I don’t feel like myself.

It seems so commonplace but really, it’s like what does that mean?? 

This so-called self….is an illusion. The surface level self is in flux at all times.

The eternal self isn’t even a self, it is a presence. This presence encapsulates everything, we exist in it like the air we breathe. So when we feel “not like ourselves” it’s actually the mind stepping in, reinforcing the false belief of separation. When we implement narratives and buy into their concepts, we build a raft and set ourselves out to sea. This raft can be made of something as sneaky as believing we are not good enough, or giving credence to thought patterns that don’t deserve power. It can be what I’m doing now, which is focusing on the stress factors, rather than the possibilities for ease. 

The mind is uncomfortable with change and will often look for the critical and the doomed aspects of a situation. While some things are inherently challenging, there is always an opportunity to learn something. At the very least, it is a chance to practice self-reliance. A chance to cultivate compassion. A chance to trust. 

I have to be honest, I have been dwelling in the discomfort. Waking up and feeling freaked and giving into this existential dread for way longer than necessary. Stress compounds. 

After I discovered my car was undriveable, I called an uber across town. Joey was an angel for the duration of the hour-long ride: sitting on my lap, smelling the air as we passed through different neighborhoods, never making a peep. When I got home my boyfriend was holding a production meeting at our dining room table. It was so nice to see people I loved, like breaking a spell. Still, I could feel my heaviness as I crossed over the threshold. The chaos carried extra gravity as it buzzed all around me. 

I finally felt it in my bones: This is not who I am. I was feeling far away because I was identifying with the chaos. Yet it’s simply another passing phenomena, like the hives that rested on my collarbones for weeks and disappeared overnight.  

In times like these, it takes an action of cleansing to feel lighter. I went into the bedroom with a sense of urgency and performed a simple ritual. Sometimes we must break the fourth wall and ask for help beyond the bounds of the physical realm. Do the stressful circumstances disappear overnight? No! 

But today I woke up understanding that I am more than this moment.
I am more than the stress and chaos that is crossing my path.
This too shall pass. 

The past week it has been hard to identify which way is up, how best to proceed to get a breath of air. 

It’s been a lot of fighting the tides when most of all, I need to remember to float. 

In that spirit, I’m committing to the question: is this the path of ease?
If not, time to reorient. Pick another option and see how it feels. 

Sometimes ease will be action and sometimes it will be stillness.
Sometimes it will mean taking a helping hand, even when the mind tells you to go on alone. Sometimes it will mean saying no, in order to conserve energy for something more divinely guided. Even if you don’t know what that something is, but sense the present option is not it.

Ease can be found in little ways.
Ease is an ever-evolving experience.
Ease will meet you where you are, if you allow her in. 

When you do so, ease compounds.

As always, thank you for being here with me on this ride. 

xx,
James

If you find yourself struck by a moment of complete presence, send it to me in either image or word form: momentsfornow@gmail.com.
All submissions will be shared anonymously, every Sunday.

Have the desire to support this newsletter? Click below.