It Me, Holiday Girl
radical self-acceptance as such
Hi hi
The hardest thing about a newsletter is how to start it. All I want to say is hey you, long time. Wanna chat, should we make some coffee? I have almond nog! It’s actually way better than the original dairy recipe— I find that much too cloying. And with this almond stuff you still only need a splash for maximum holiday vibes. Recently, Boyfriend told me I’m obsessed with Christmas—a comment I received with far more weight than he intended. I requested immediate evidence. He said, well you start singing carols in like, June and you love to decorate…it’s cute, but you know, you just really love it.
When I think Obsessed With Christmas, I imagine people who decorate their tree on November 1st or have a collection of quirky holiday sweaters. They have a running list ranking every holiday movie. Maybe they’ve built a giant army of nutcrackers, or buy ornaments at every airport they’ve ever been to—including the layovers. But Boyfriend knows me now. He detects patterns in my personality that I merely sense in ambient textures. I do embrace the holiday season as a vehicle for my pre-existing kicks and thrills. Crafting, bringing people into a festive atmosphere, making fun food, songs everyone can sing.
Somehow December arranged itself with only one good weekend for holiday parties. Last week was too early, next weekend is practically too late—especially in LA, where half the city’s population scatters elsewhere for the holidays. Freeways shine blissful and bare, we who remain take the space as a real Christmas miracle.
Boyfriend and I decided to throw a party on Friday the 13th, thinking we could still rustle some cheer together despite the weekend competition. Unsure of how many people would show, I built stations for rituals—a space to cast away the old and an altar bring to the new to light. Then I found a giant spindly tree branch on the sidewalk and suspended messages from the branches. No matter who came through, I was already satisfied with the experience of making the ritual world. That’s my version of holiday joy, the excuse to create a place for interactive intention.
AND as if that amount of time commitment wasn’t enough, I made a compilation video to play at the party, getting back to my Adobe Premiere Pro roots. Every night I edited piece by piece, slowly lacing together a 16 minute video. It’s very ambiguous holiday, maybe perfect if you’re a little stoned and you want to space out to something. At first I planned to make the video solely for the party, but then I realized YouTube exists and I can send it to my favorite internet club: NOW IS GOOD.
So here’s a digital postcard from me to you: that mid-winter feeling
Now that I’ve figured out how to pull internet clips into Premiere, maybe there will be more of these to come. Slow editing has a soothing effect, like assembling an electronic mosaic.
I have more to say, more to share, soon. After almost three months of unplanned internal time—no instagram, no substack, just finishing my book and helping family—I’m being very gentle with my re-entry into external worlds. Of all the media spheres, I’ve missed substack the most. Long live long form (!). Thank you for reading and being here after all this time.
xx
James