Okay! When this newsletter comes out, it will be my 29th birthday.
I’ve been mostly alone the past few days because the bf is out of town. The timing has been unexpectedly perfect, as I’ve had the final moments of 28 to be very quiet and process what this year has been. Never before have I felt so mentally prepared for a birthday—usually they really sneak up on me. On Sunday I wrote a list of every big thing that happened, every small thing that left an impression, all with honesty about the challenges and blessings in between. As I looked over the list, (god how I love lists) I noticed a few themes in the year’s lessons.
I am in the “late twenties” age bracket and maybe that means I’m qualified to share my little reflections. I know at 21 I thought people should have it all figured out by 25. And I have been told by a 23-year-old that I “look good for 26” so I know skewed perceptions of age goes both ways.
Alright enough stalling, here are my concepts from 28.
LET PATIENCE LEAD, ALL ELSE WILL FOLLOW
No path is linear. Something that feels like a definite next step can suddenly get pulled into the abyss. When expectations don’t flower, disappointment can set in. While it’s normal to need time to adjust to a new reality, it’s important not to sit in the feeling of lack for too long. That creates more distance between you and the true form that is actively seeking you.
Pivot your attention to something you can build on your own. Maybe this solo project is something deceptively easy but if you invest energy with integrity, it will be healing. From there, find patience on your terms. Patience and trust go hand in hand. You can’t change external circumstances, find a way to make peace with your internal narrative.
Create room for your initial vision to come back around. Don’t react or pull. You’ll feel when this is happening, step back and listen. When the form comes along that’s aligns with you, your environment, your collaborators, it will feel exciting and familiar all at once.
DEDICATION IS MAGIC
Really actually doing something every week makes a difference.
Not to be meta, but writing this newsletter shaped me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. It granted me a window into myself and asked that I interpret the week’s motions into words. And then I had to do that again and again. Showing up to write is something that everyone says you just need to do with consistency. It’s absolutely true, although it requires time and energy that I know I’m very fortunate to have.
Years of working in restaurants, juggling family responsibilities, etc meant for a very long time I was too tired to do much of anything. Most of my twenties have felt like a long slow blur punctuated by a few highlights where I was able to break through.
Even when things were most hectic, I always tried to actively contribute to projects outside of myself. Find a way to hold yourself accountable. Develop a relationship with the thing you want to get better at, whether that means starting a newsletter or helping assemble a dozen art shows.
Always remember: the larger systems of labor are set up to make you tired and forget your larger purpose beyond survival. Any time you can consistently turn to a practice that serves your spirit, you’re winning the battle.
Keep coming back to serve your inner voice, whatever you can do will return ten-fold.
SPECIFICITY WORKS WHEN YOU’VE LAID THE GROUNDWORK
For many years, I would attempt to will things into existence with very exact ideas. I had everything planned in my head, but the thread between my thoughts and my actions in the physical world was very frail. I’d tell myself that things were percolating energetically. Every so often reassurances would appear IRL but mostly I was being too specific to let anything grow.
When I turned 24, a lot shifted in life as I stepped back into the role of parental caretaker. It broke a lot of my expectations and I had to reorient my thinking. I turned to broad pictures for my future. Opening things up brought a lot of growth in unexpected places. Momentum grew in both the energetic and physical realms.
Only in the past year have I come back to specific visions, when it feels truly natural to do so. It’s worth looking at your human design to see what is most potent for you. Back in August Gabi looked up my chart for fun and it turns out I’m a specific manifestor. When I stepped into the power of manifesting in areas that I’ve already laid the groundwork for, it is amazing how quickly things came to fruition.
Specific manifestation is a collaboration between the current tangible realities and the energetic forms of the future. To create anything, balance must be found between those realms.
BOUNDARIES COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES
Setting boundaries isn’t my favorite thing to do. Often it means you aren’t living up to someone else’s idea of who you are. I used to be so uncomfortable with the idea that I might disappoint someone. Rather than upset someone else’s perception, I would just mush myself into their idea of me. But the problem with that (I’ve learned the hard way) is they continue to take more and more of you. Who can blame them? They are under the impression that everyone is on the same page.
When you can set a boundary early, you risk a bit of discomfort but it’s worth long term time and effort. Boundaries protect the space necessary for creation and development. Scientific experiments must be performed in controlled environments. Real life will never be perfectly controlled—where’s the fun in that—but it helps to foster a nurturing space that allows expansion of new growth. This can mean either a physical space or a mental one.
As for the fear of disappointing others? Those who truly wish to support you will understand the need for boundaries.
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I could go on, but those are my big 4. And 28 is divisible by 4. So it feels right to leave it there. Thank you so much for being here with me, see you next week!
xx
James