I am waiting for my parents
on the second level
of the Phoenix International Airport
I’ve collected my dog, my coat, my luggage
and found an arranged rectangle of chairs
my parents
are on their first solo road trip
in over 28 years.
they used to drive across the country
all the time
in old cars, convertibles
crossing the states
no matter the weather
my first memory,
was on their last road trip
when we drove from Nashville to Los Angeles
I was two years old,
and I can remember only
the husks of sunflower seeds
hitting smooth asphalt
after we tossed them out the window
of the moving van
so now I’m sitting on the second level
(of the Phoenix International Airport)
imagining my parents
driving my 2006 prius
373 miles
to pick me up
my car’s aux cord stopped working months ago
so I wonder what they’re doing
music wise
—
Tucson loves the saguaro cactus
that’s why we’re going
that and for the family
my dad’s only brother
and his wife
and his youngest son
sold their home in chicago
and moved to the desert
a few years ago
we’ve only visited once before
and this year I’m trying
to be more of an extended family member
so we’re heading to arizona
so I can play pokemon with my little cousin
and my dad can go to a basketball game with his brother
-
holidays tend to make me sad,
one time
I cried during the peak of a secret santa party
unable to grasp the joy
but as I get older
I realize
it might be a performance
one that we all do
and sometimes
for just a moment
we lose ourselves in the role
forget the lights are shining
forget the makeup and costume
and fully believe
in something
that’s all for today—
xx
James