a doll's house
I’ve been thinking a lot about sameness and differentness.
when we’re experiencing sameness, there’s a tendency to check out and move into autopilot. there are three distinct times in life when I fell into an autopilot rhythm. it occurred as a defense mechanism during a long term stressful situation that deflated me. my mind chose to tune out the discomfort, so I fell into a slightly desensitized but ultimately more depressed state.
I decided not to fully feel my feelings, yet it led me to feeling low longer.
when I do manage to break out of that state, it’s wild and exciting. everything feels new. some of it is new but some of it is a new framing around a pretty much same scenario.
and it’s an AH HA moment but also a slight feeling of betrayal, like
ohmygod, it was me all along! me fooling myself!
once my mind is changed, everything else comes along for the ride.
the mind wants to keep things the same, because it’s easier for it.
the mind wants to build the doll house, paint the walls, pick the appliances and then let you bounce around that house for years and years.
it says, why would I upgrade your house? that would be so much work! and you don’t seem to mind or notice the structures I’ve built around you anyway.
from a slightly more scientific perspective, the doll house is a neural pathway. neural pathways are grooves in the brain that transmit information. the more we use them, the deeper the grooves become. this allows information to travel along the path at a faster rate. when these thoughts or actions become deeply ingrained, it can be really difficult to change– but it is possible.
to invoke a classic phrase: look to the good and praise it.
when we spend 20 - 30 seconds enjoying something pleasant, really being in that moment, we are rewiring our brain. we are demanding the reinforcement of certain neural pathways over other ones. although our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative (thanks, evolution) we can flip things around.
to break out of autopilot, look around at the environment the mind has created.
questions that may be helpful:
is it serving you?
more specifically, is it serving your well being?
is it serving your actual mental health, not the old routine that your mind has put in place that’s masquerading as self-awareness but might actually be self-depreciation.
what words do you use to speak to yourself?
are you letting the mind go off whenever it wants?
slowly you might realize you’re living within mental structures and belief systems that you didn’t consciously sign up for, but you’re here anyway.
it is a little plastic toy house and there’s a whole world outside these weird textured purple walls.
did you ever play with a doll house and end up getting bored so you took your toy somewhere with you?
at first it was like...okay this is weird, Shannon should definitely be inside her house….after a while it changed to oh wait she’s super versatile in all these new spaces...and all the sudden it’s...why didn’t I take her everywhere before!! the world is so big and she’s so fun and we have so much fun together!!!!!
that’s what it’s like for you and your mind.
it will be weird, it will be gradual and nonlinear,
but you won’t be able to fathom how you lived before.
until next time,
James